My Garden, Defiled!

The first few hours of this evening was like any other night that I've had in the last three weeks: I got off work, drove home while listening to a podcast, got home, changed into some grubby clothes and was soon in my garden, weeding, watering, transplanting plants and when all of that was done, I stopped to admire my plants and note their progress.

I checked my kale first. It was planted last year and is doing well, better than I'd imagined, actually. It's produced so much that I've decided to harvest enough to have for dinner this 4th of July. That harvest will be an entire plant, which seems like a lot (it's not), but this stuff is growing like weeds!

Next, I checked my corn, which is also doing better than I expected. I planted about 20 plants and this year (unlike last year), I grew them 18 inches apart to ensure that they self-pollinate. I've decided that I will do manual pollination myself, just to make sure that I have a good harvest.

Squash came next. Just two mornings ago, I'd pollinated my first female flower and this morning, I pollinated three more! My squash harvest will be so much greater than next year. I've got about 12 of these plants, and they'll no doubt still be producing fruit when Ms. Blue Eyes is in town this November. It makes me happy that I will be feeding her from my own organic garden.

Lastly, I checked my sunflowers. Last year I grew one tall one that grew to be as tall as me! That was a surprise because I was convinced that it was a weed, but let it grow any way because it was so interesting. After eight weeks or so, the flower appeared and then I knew what I had. This year I half-assedly planted about 20 of them and they have ALL taken off! It's going to be a beautiful sight when they all blossom in a few weeks.

Ok, here's where things get a bit weird. As I walked over to my two little greenhouses, I spotted something that was out of place. I zoomed in for a closer look. and that's when I noticed a rabbit looking out at me! This was no ordinary rabbit, but a menacing one, with deviousness (and possibly sexual kink) in mind!

As I continued to the greenhouses, I noticed a golden choker that had been tossed haphazardly (perhaps dropped) onto a squash plant. What has going on here?! And in my own backyard, no less!

Flabbergasted, I stumbled a bit and almost passed out from the shock (I'm a God-fearing, super-square Baptist and this was an affront to my traditional senses), but as I collected myself, I turned towards the sunflowers and saw a pair of the sexiest, I mean, sinful, black shoes you ever did see! Who would wear such things?!

Well, I would not find out who it was, as the perpetrators all high-tailed it out of there unseen by me. And behold the bus that these deviants clearly rode in on! Alas, telling you this story digitally is hardly doing it any justice, so I will have to bring these things (and any others, should I find them in the future) with me in November wo that I can show you myself. Perhaps we can get to the bottom of these kinky adventures!